Crocodile

The Crocodile. Or the saltwater crocodile in this particular case. A baby one, because I just couldn’t bring myself to spend a day looking at fully grown ones. Why? Because if there’s one thing I’m more scared of than bears, it’s these actual monsters. The largest reptiles in the world with the strongest bite of ANY animal. If a bear can crush a bowling ball, this thing will pop your skull like a soggy grape. They can grow up to seven meters long, live for 80 years, hold their breath for an hour and swim up to 20mph. Also, upsettingly, I’ve just read they can spot patterns in behavior and set traps. Yes, a bit like velociraptors. So, keep those peepers peeled if you’re about to set off on your 4th beach run of the week. In Australia. Probably less to be worried about if you’re jogging along the beach in Clacton. I say probably, because they have also been known to swim in the ocean and hunt unsuspecting bull sharks. Look, they can probably fly though the vacuum of space. And yet, despite all of this, a couple of elastic bands and they can’t open their mouths. It is this sliver of knowledge that allows me to sleep at night.